Healed Yet Blind

by Judy Lane-Boyer

I came to Him for healing
From dark seedlings planted deep
My soul was shattered, reeling
with numbed feelings, sick with grief

In dim regions of my heart
In corners dark, wounds seeping
Black roots splintered me apart
In quiv’ring shards, all bleeding

Not my fault—at least not all—
But I heard His call and when
I watched and heard, I gaped in awe
What I saw made hope begin

To wonder: could He help me?
I had to see; I went then
Frightened, trembling, to seek peace
On my knees I came to Him

My belief, yes, was small
Yet was all He sought from me
So with gentle hands he healed
As I kneeled, then I was free

To follow Him; thus, I saw
All the awe from wretched crowds
As He vanquished hunger, pain
Demons’ claims and grim storm clouds

Even better, He addressed
Those who oppressed “the lawless”
The masses, gleeful, watched Him chide
Their leaders’ pride and smallness

Did they really, in the end,
Comprehend that He is more
Than a gravy train or knight
Who just fights to even scores?

All those places dark within
Smeared with sin, soaked through with shame
Melt to light as His caress
Clears the mess and sparks a flame

Of release and liberty
Delivery to sweet grace
How much better than mere food
Health improved, bullies abased?

Nothing deep these people crave
Yet He gave me something more
Not materiality
But my very soul restored

Wanting more, I stay with Him
On paths dim, I don’t despair;
In pain, sickness, injury,
My heart is free—I don’t care

One day He asks quietly
“Do you love Me?” “Yes, I do!”
I need you to sacrifice
Your desires, your will subdue

As I grasp His clear-cut call
I hit a wall. Startled, I gasp 
“Die to me? How obscene
What’s that mean? I can’t grasp

“What you want. Give in to them?
Give up for him? Forgive her?
But You said You’d make me free!
I don’t see how that concurs”

“Freedom is in Me, My child”
His voice mild clarifies
“Not what I give or how I heal
Just to feel good’s not the  prize

“Will you turn away?” He asks
I look back and see the throng
Those I thought so shallow but
It turns out that all along

I was the same; my desire
Was entirely for what I
Could get from Him, not for Him
So, repentant now I cry

“Not my will, but Yours, my King
I will cling always to You
Even when the price I pay
To obey is bowing to

“Another’s whims, even harshness
For in hardness You refine
Who I am to be like You
For the truth is, You resigned

Your prestige and dignity
All for me; You even died
Gave up Your choice, Your control
So my soul could have Life

I’ll give anything You ask
Though the task puts me in chains
For you are my liberty
Who You are is worth the pain

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